In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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