Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize