I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
