I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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