we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
