I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
