They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize