i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
