I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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