I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
