Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
