I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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