i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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