fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it wasn't lemon gatorade
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
