I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
