Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
