everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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