Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
