Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
