I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
