Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize