But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
