You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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