I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize