My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
