i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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