Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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