I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
