In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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