Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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