quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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