Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
