yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
