after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
