so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
