"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
