Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My underwear smells like fireworks.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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