he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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