So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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