you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she woke up with a sticky ear
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
organizing the empties. That sober.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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