did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
