I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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