remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
