the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
