I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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