if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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