dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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