This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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