This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize