Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
