so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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