Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
