she was so not down for the gang bang
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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