4 words: hood of his car
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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