I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
