its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
did i just pee glitter
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
