My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
