I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
you never un-have a 4some
We are all done wearing pants today
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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