i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
