I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
