the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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