just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
