I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize