Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
