did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
