Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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