you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
