I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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