Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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