How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
