I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's always time for handjobs
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
