So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
