hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
