Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
