Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
