There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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