I think I won the penis lottery.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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