Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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