i think my mom watched the whole time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
