I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
