please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
