I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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