then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
