Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize