you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I came so hard my ears popped.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
