I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
