That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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