My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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