So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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