I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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