she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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