i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
