just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
