he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize