I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
