Your face is a jimmy john
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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