Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
