I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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